Behind every great man is a great woman. And I want to be that woman for my man

I am beginning to recognize a pattern with me when it comes to dating men. I've noticed, retrospectively, that I get very interested in what ever the guy I am dating is involved with. I can remember it occurring as far back as 10-years ago when I started a relationship with my first (and only) serious boyfriend, Jealous Jason. I've mentioned him before in a post here, and here.

He wanted to be a film director and go to film school. At the time, I remember thinking it takes a lot of courage to go against his father's wishes for his son to follow in the family business. I also thought it was particularly bold to desire pursuing something so risky.

I had no idea what I wanted to be or what I was going to do with my life but I felt my own social and family pressures to do something non creative/non risky. After high school, I had several professional positions and the typical transitional retail jobs.

Education was never really pushed on me by my mother. And I've never had a relationship with my father (as far as I know, he never graduated high school). My mother never got a college degree herself, nor did her parents (one of her brothers did but he was always looked down upon for being an overachiever) and she definitely could not afford to send any of us children to a university. I think the lack of educational support I received at home is why I now value my eduction so much. But I digress. Back to my retrospective look at my relationship patterns.

So, I distinctly remember being very supportive of Jealous Jason's aspirations to go to film school. I'd encourage him and helped him with school projects and learned as much as I could to help him achieve his goals.

I did the same for his musical aspirations as well. I would sit through long practice/jam sessions. I'd contribute to naming his band or songs or assist in any way that I could. I even started learning about band promotion, so that I could help his band get public and media attention.

Well, neither his music career or his film career went anywhere far. He eventually left film school and we eventually broke up. But not before starting a local-music promotion business together.

After our break up. I continued with helping some local bands and re-enrolled back a junior college after being downsized for a corporate position at one of the world's largest oil companies. I figured I didn't want to be stuck in jobs that had little or no creativity involved in them. I credit Jealous Jason for inspiring such desires within me.

So, I re-enrolled at my local junior college. When I went back to school, I focused strictly on theatre and film&TV. I studied for 3-years to be an actress and writer. I was lucky enough to be attending a junior college that had an amazing theatre department.

I was also lucky enough to study intermediate and advanced acting with the school's most renowned acting teacher. He studied under Stella Adler and other great theatre coaches from the early years.

I also continued promoting local bands. My best guy friend, Bass Bob, is a bass player and I ended up getting an article written about his band in the local paper because of my bold marketing strategies.

After 3-years of studying theatre, I decided that I wanted to get a Bachelor's degree. I also decided that a Bachelor's degree in theatre probably wasn't the best degree to pursue. But at the same time, I still had no idea what I wanted to major in, focus on, or which career path I wanted to follow.

My interests were and still are varied and I honestly could be happy in many different fields. At that point, I just decided to get the general eduction requirements out of the way. Finally 2-years later, I was ready to transfer. I applied to 4 universities and got into 3.




But this post isn't about my eduction, it's about my pattern of dating. I have dating a lot of men over the last several years, few of which actually have progressed into being called "my boyfriend" but nonetheless exciting men, with exciting lives. And I tend to want to get involved with what they're doing and help them succeed.

This desire to help the men, I date, succeed can come off as a bit over zealous and it seems to be a sticking point in my most recent relationship. I really want him to be successful and do well in his line of work. I, honestly, have nothing but good intentions but you know what they say about good intentions, right?

I really like the guy I am dating right now and I do NOT want to do anything to fuck it up. PERIOD. I just hope he can see that or understand that about me. I am not ready to screw up another relationship, especially with this guy. I just want to be that great woman behind this great man.

Incubus "I Miss You" lyrics


To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.