Below is some advice I shared with some of my girlfriends today. Maybe it will help someone out in cyberspace, so I am sharing it here:
I love you. You're such a beautiful and talented person, independent and daring. I think you've made a lot of progress recently. I am proud of you. And I miss. I think you should really give yourself credit for what you have been able to accomplish.
Here are some tips from what I've been learning about "self-talk":
~When you feel a shift in your mood (for example, if you start feeling sad, angry, anxious) take a step back from what ever you are doing and relax. Then take the time to really examine what you've been telling yourself. What is important is to take note of your negative internal monologue.
~Identifying self-talk may require unraveling several distinct thoughts from a single word or image. You may think to yourself "Oh no!" and then have a rush of memories, thoughts, or associations.
~It's hard to evaluate the validity of a belief you're scarcely aware of-- you usually just accept it as is. But Self-talk is typically irrational but almost alway sounds like the truth. "What-if" thinking may lead you to expect the worst possible outcome in a given situation, one that is highly unlikely to occur. Yet because the association takes place so quickly, it goes unchallenged and unquestioned.
~Negative self-talk perpetuates avoidance. By continuing to avoid situations and people, you reinforce the thought that it's dangerous. You may even project images of catastrophe around the prospect of confronting the situation. In short, anxious self-talk leads to avoidance, avoidance begets further anxious self-talk, and around and around the cycle goes.
~ Negative self-talk is a series of bad habits. You aren't born with a predisposition to fearful self talk: you learn to think that way. Just as you can replace unhealthy behavioral habits, such as smoking or drinking excess coffee, with more positive, health-promoting behavior, you can replace unhealthy thinking with more positive, supportive mental habits; Bear in mind that the acquisition of positive mental habits takes the same persistence and practice required for learning new behaviors.
~Countering negative self-talk involves writing down and rehearsing positive statements which directly refute or invalidate your negative self-talk.
~ By starting to notice when you're engaging in negativity, and then countering it with positive, supportive statements to yourself, you'll begin to turn your thinking around. With practice and consistent effort, you'll change both the way you think and feel on an ongoing basis.
~ Challenge your negative self-talk with these questions:
1) what is the evidence for this?
2) is this always true?
3) Has this been true in the past?
4) What are the odds of this catastrophe happening?
5) What is the very worst that could happen? What is so bad about that? What would I do if the worst happened?
6) Am I looking at the whole picture?
7) Am I being fully objective?
Positive statements you can say to yourself:
"So what",
"I can handle this",
"I can be bothered by this situation and still get through it",
"This may be difficult, but I can tolerate a little anxiety, knowing that it will pass.",
"I'm O.K. the way I am.",
"I'm lovable and capable",
"I'm a unique and creative person",
"I deserve the good things in life as much as anyone else",
"I accept and believe in myself",
"I'm worthy of the respect and love of others.",
"I don't have to be all better tomorrow"
"I can continue to make progress one step at a time"
"I acknowledge the progress I've made and will continue to improve"
"It's never too late to change"
"I'm willing to see the glass as half full rather than half empty"
