Field Report: Film Buff & Yakuza

I met with my professor today and we discussed the scope of my project. And I realized that I need to focus in on something very specific and doable (now, I just have to figure out what that is going to be). The project will be due before I know it. I have the option to conduct a survey but I am not sure what to ask. I can see how this could easily become overwhelming.

My main focus has to be in regards to advertising, entertainment, or news. I figure there's not a whole lot of news in the community (other than product announcements...which is really just advertising).

More in field research:

I was contacted by a guy who read my blog, let's call him Yakuza. He invited me to an event tonight where PUAs were supposed to be hanging out. I saw it as an opportunity to learn and research. I dragged along, Film Buff, my partner in crime from school. The Exchange Guy had to work, so he missed out.

On the way to the club we had a discussion about the community and its reputation. I told him that many people ask why I am interested in researching these guys. Many people act like it's immoral or inherently bad. We tend to share the same feelings about the community.

We both think it's a valuable tool to help men meet women. Some men will use this tool wisely and some wont. It's like any other tool. A hammer isn't inherently bad. One guy could use it to build a house. Another man could use it to destroy a house. The tool isn't destructive, the man is.

To claim all men, or all PUAs, or all guys that seek to improve their social skills with women are bad is a sweeping stereotype. But more on my theories on the community and its reputation later.

When Film Buff and I arrived it was fairly empty (but it was a school night). Film Buff told me he didn't want to "game" and I told him he had to at least practice looking confident. He agreed and played along well throughout the night, as I reminded him & Yakuza to stand straight and not lean in. He got pretty good at it.

Film Buff really likes a girl in one of his classes, they went on a date but he freaked out and now it's weird. I am hoping he learns some skills to get better at dealing with girls he likes.

Film Buff was telling me what he knows about the community and about two guys he knows. He says one's a really ass and the other is a cool guy, both are PUAs. We also talked about Jeffries' creepy sugar packet thing and NLP (or whatever that linguist thing is).

Yakuza, entered the club, I wasn't sure it was him and he just stood near the entry, alone. I looked his way & smiled several times but the lighting was bad and I didn't want to keep sending signals if it was him in the first place. He sat down at an abandoned table near the entrance and chilled for a while until he saw his other pua friends. They then huddled around a table in the middle of the room.

I eventually went outside to smoke, leaving Film Buff to fend for himself and on my way back in I ran into Yakuza, and he introduced himself and he introduced me to his PUA friend, who has a girlfriend. "He likes to help newbies in the community." I shook the PUAs hand and he wanted to do some silly handshake, I refused. After some banter I headed back inside to keep from getting too chilly. Yakuza followed in shortly after & I introduced him to Film Buff.

Film Buff & I shared pot stickers and just enjoy the scene (I devoured most of the pot stickers...I was so hungry...thanks for sharing Film Buff). There weren't really that many people there(especially HBs), so we just chilled. Yakuza made a comment about his over "peacocking"..."I stand out like a sore thumb". I tried to explain to him that he needs to "own" is identity. I reminded him he's a law student and can claim he just came from work. I don't he understand.

I tried to turn his negative comment into a positive by making his attire (a dress shirt, jacket, and slacks) a part of his identity (law student). I didn't think he looked bad but I thought it was poor social judgment to mention it to others. Just by mentioning it, I felt like he was Demonstrating Lower Value (DLV). I told him if he was worried about it to wear jeans next time but that the rest looked fashionable. Most of the other guys were dressed down a bit but there was no reason (other than identity) to be dressed in anything more flashy than jeans & a t-shirt (and even jeans and a t-shirt can be done stylishly).

Film Buff told me he needed to go shopping for clothes and asked if I would help him. I thought that was pretty cool, besides I love to shop (duh! I'm a girl) but I don't shop much because I am on a limited (student) budget. And I love fashion (duh! again!). I love men who are well dress. PERIOD. And it doesn't even have to be a specific style. And it can even be better if the guy presents his own style and not some carbon copy of something he saw else where. Fashion can convey identity.

Yakuza went and sat by himself at a big table in the middle of the room (PUA friend was off doing something else). Later, I tried to explain to him that sitting alone was VERY bad for his "social proof". I also tried to explain to him that he should have came right in & started talking to the first people he saw (even if he didn't know them) because it sets the tone for the evening and it lets girls know that he is social....since girls are social they value this. They don't want to date the "lone wolf".

I reminded him of the 3-second rule. He tried to argue with me by saying that the 3-second rule had to do with 3-seconds of eye contact. I told him that didn't matter about eye contact. All that matters is that the girl saw you standing around for several minutes doing nothing. I don't think it matter that you're looking for friends. Go right in and be social with anyone and everyone.

The three of us shared a yummy chocolate cake dessert. Yakuza told me how he found out about the game, how he'd be having trouble at his small school, and he told me a bit about his experience and that he's looking for a girlfriend (ahhhh...that's so sweet....I hope he finds one). He also told Film Buff about the stylelife challenge. Some 30 day program that is going to be starting soon. Sounds interesting.

By the end of the night I am no where nearer a solution to my project but I had fun. And I realized that men are easily afraid of women. And that most guys are clueless when it comes to women. And that PUAs are helping these guys get better the whole thing.