Did you just see the cat fight outside my window?

No, this isn't a cheesy PUA line. There was literally a cat (or some other nonhuman creature) fight happening right outside my bedroom window. At first it sounded like a baby in a blender, then two distinct creatures could be heard, there may have been several creatures involved (including the household cat).

And they went at it. They were so loud that my roommates could hear them through my bedroom wall, with my bedroom door closed, through a hallway door closed, and the television on. It was the snarliest sound I've ever heard live (unrecorded). After a moment or two of this ruckus I rush to the window (so, I don't look completely lazy when my roommates ask me what happened).

At that point, I realized that our cat may be outside. So I yank the blinds up, throw the window open, and try to see through the screen, but I couldn't see anything outside. So by this time, I think I scared the creatures off and I hear my roommates getting aroused by the ruckus.

I go out in the backyard to find my landlord calling the cat in. He won't come in. He's playing hard to get. I rush back inside and grab a plate and a fork and begin tapping the fork onto the plate as I call for the kitty. "Matese...Matese...Metese, if you come inside right now you'll get extra treats."

That didn't work. I gave up and decided to take a break from studying to begin this blog and then I was interrupted by a text message.

And I had a very interesting conversation with a congruent, confident, wise man. Some how we ending up talking about my therapy. The thing I'm working on right now with my therapist is the ability to deal with my emotions and go to place (internally) that I don't really want to go. So in PUA talk, my therapist is helping me work on my "inner game". It's some heavy shit.

But it's very helpful. She really does push me to think about things that I've never stopped to consider. And she doesn't let me bullshit my way out of anything. She asks tough questions and we had several breakthroughs in the last few weeks. It's been great. I look forward to this journey I'm on.

Not only do I work on self-improvement stuff with her, I've made it a priority in my life right now. Practically everything I do can be related to improving myself, my life, my education, or my happiness.

Something that really makes me happy, is to help people. I love it. I go out of my way to help people. Not all the time, and not always to everyone. But I consider myself a kind and caring person and I've worked hard to surround myself with amazing people, so when I have an opportunity to help, I try. Especially regarding, personal issues.

A lot of my friends have told me that I'm very non-judgmental. Especially my female friends. They usually come to me with their craziest escapades or saddest relationship problems. And I listen and I give advice as I see fit. And I do my best to make them feel better.

I always find it odd when they ask me about relationship things. I realized that I've dated a lot of men and have had very liberal sexual experiences but I don't consider myself a dating expert and a relationship coach.

Although I think it would be really fun to learn how to be a dating coach or a relationship expert, I'm not qualified to counsel anyone about anything. I love learning and being taught. Especially in personal relationships. Some of my best friends are my best teachers. I've learned so much from people around me.

It's no wonder I like to fantasize about the teacher-student roles. Ha. I probably should write much more about this so I'll change the radio station.

I realized that I hold a lot of emotions in, and I'm starting to see how dangerous it has been to me both physically and emotionally. My emotions feel foreign to me. I don't even know what to call them or how to label them. They're all a mess and it feels overwhelming.

Holding these emotions in, not knowing how to deal with stress, and being unable to relax have taken a toll on my body. I have physical problems with my body because of cognitive and emotional issues. The best advice I can give anyone right now is, don't hold your emotions in.

If you're under a lot of stress and dealing with emotional responsibilities the best thing to do is to deal with them or talk about them. If you don't, you could end up hurting yourself. And you can't take care of all your responsibilities if you're hurt, burnt out, or worse.

It's amazing how much of the PUA stuff can be applied to other aspects of ones life. Although, that's one reason why I like the PUA stuff, because it's multidisciplinary. I actually applied to UC Berkeley to get an interdisciplinary degree in English, Rhetoric, and History and I was going to call my customized emphasis "Critical Thinking".

Ha...I actually put something like that on my application. It's no wonder that was the only school I applied to that didn't admit me. Oh well, such is it. I really wanted to go to Berkeley because their interdisciplinary degree department was very well organized and student friendly.

My school, that I'm currently attending, has a similar but much less facilitated and more limiting program to create ones own degree path.

I abandoned the idea of customizing my degree and decided that all liberal arts degrees are about critical thinking. And an English degree is probably the best degree for me to get. Until I took a Communication Studies class and really want to change my major (again) but then I was strongly advice not to pursue such a path because I didn't have enough time to complete all the requirements.

And beside, I'm taking a bunch of classes that I want, so it really doesn't matter. Speaking of which, I love my classes this quarter. My English teacher this quarter already seem much more capable of teaching student than my last teacher was. The professor last quarter was very bright, and young, and fashionable but his lectures always felt just out of reach for me.

And this quarter's professor seem to be more interested in making his lectures more accessible to the students. He seems to care about at least presenting the information in a comprehendable way. I sat through every lecture but one (because I locked my keys in my car) last quarter and couldn't really tell you exactly what the professor's main point were and I sure in hell could tell you what I was supposed to learn.

Now, it's much more easier. I know exactly what the teacher is talking about. And even though his much older, not fashionable at all, and has a sharp wit about him, he can teach me. and that's all that matter. And besides my T.A. is young, slightly fashionable, and eager to teach.

I'm a good girl just waiting to learn.

[I'm going to end on that point; some what edited]

Peacocking

Another thing I like about what the Pick-up Artists do is called "Peacocking". It's basically a theory (which I'll probably butcher the meaning) that is based off of male peacock mating rituals.

Male peacocks (like most male birds) are more attractive looking than their female counterparts. When peacocks want to mate they put themselves at great risk by displaying their beautiful tail feathers. This is a display that conveys to the female that not only is the male peacock attractive, he is also able to survive well even though his attractive qualities can put him in harms way.

The theory as it relates to man is, if a guy can be flashy he is sub-communicating that he is able to survive even with his flashy ways. This sometimes gets jumbled up into strange outfits or crazy accessories. But when done well, by an experienced PUA, it comes together very well.

A well peacocked outfit consists of fashion that conveys a visual narrative about the person. And usually involved well fitting clothes and congruent accessories.

There is plenty of advice and commentary on the subject available online. I just wanted to add my 2 cents to the discussion.

I love a fashionable man. I love a man who takes time with his appearance and who has a strong identity to convey through his fashion. And I love a man that can wear jewelery.

I stumbled upon a website, JustMetal, that offers unique men's jewelery at great prices. I have bought some stuff from this company for my Ex-boyfriend, before we broke up a few years ago. He still wears the jewelery and it still looks great.

VDDC: Clean yourself up & Dress well.

How you appear is important. Girls spend a lot of time on their "looks" and they notice when guys put in the effort. By doing something extra, you automatically make yourself more appealing to women. If you're doing the stylelife challenge this is nothing new to you cause Day 5 is all about your looks. If you're not doing the stylelife challenge, look online for help or ask reliable people. There are NO EXCUSES!

When you go shopping or going out to get groomed watch your body language and your attitude. Keep your head up and make eye contact with EVERYONE and smile. Girls love to give their opinions so ask them what they think. Make small talk with everyone. and keep it POSITIVE. If the conversation turns negative do your best to spin it back to the positive. You may meet your V-Day date while you're shopping or getting groomed.

Get help. Find a friend (male or female) to help you. Explain what you want to accomplish and have them support you through the next week.

If you're a person who has a lot of negative-self talk (I suck, this sucks, That was awful, etc). Do yourself a favor and replace every negative thought with a positive one. Enlist your friends to help you stay positive. Positive thoughts bring positive things. Here are some positive things to tell yourself:

~I am so happy.
~I am so grateful.
~I am powerful.
~I am loved.
~I am charming.
~I am unique.
~I am a delight to talk to.
~I am deserving.

Repeat these phrases or make your own and repeat them to yourself throughout your day. Any time your mind starts wondering, remember to say something positive to yourself. Look online for more positive affirmations. Your mind is a power tool, if you're not using it to its potential you're missing out on its benefits.

Take this last weekend before Valentine's Day to your advantage.

GET GROOMED:
If you have no extra money (like me) than look online for free or non-expensive ways to groom yourself. (home-made skin treatments, hair styles suggestion, fashion tips, etc) THIS IMPORTANT.

Things to keep in mind:

~You should bath daily (especially all the days leading up to V-Day) No excuses...be clean

~Treat your skin well. If you start now your skin could be glowing by V-Day

~ Consider shaving or removing all excess hair, girls will appreciate this (back, neck, eyebrow, ear, nose, etc).

~ Don't be sweaty...it's gross. Seriously do what you have to avoid sweat stains. Yuck.

~Finger nails and toes nails should be trimmed. Trust me she'll appreciate it.

~Find a good smelling cologne or other product (Cuban smells great)

~It doesn't matter how well you look if your breath stinks. Do something about it.

~You're feet shouldn't stink.

~Get a haircut if you haven't in the last 6 weeks. Consider a new hairstyle. Pay as much as you can afford and take your time.


GET FASHIONABLE:
Go in your closet and find 3 outfits that fit you well and convey a sense of fashion. If you do NOT have three outfits that fit well go shopping. If you don't have a lot of money to go shopping, go to a trendy thrift store. If you're buying clothes. Buy clothes you can mix and match, you'll get more uses/looks out of them.

Find or buy ONE really killer outfit for V-day. And then have two alternatives to wear leading up to V-Day. You're V-day outfit should be smoking.

The shoulder seams on your shirts should lay just at the top of your shoulder. If your shoulder seams lie over your shoulder, on your arm, your shirt DOES NOT FIT and girls can tell.

check out this link:
If you're buying clothes. Buy clothes you can mix and match, you'll get more uses/looks out of them.

Field Report: Film Buff & Yakuza

I met with my professor today and we discussed the scope of my project. And I realized that I need to focus in on something very specific and doable (now, I just have to figure out what that is going to be). The project will be due before I know it. I have the option to conduct a survey but I am not sure what to ask. I can see how this could easily become overwhelming.

My main focus has to be in regards to advertising, entertainment, or news. I figure there's not a whole lot of news in the community (other than product announcements...which is really just advertising).

More in field research:

I was contacted by a guy who read my blog, let's call him Yakuza. He invited me to an event tonight where PUAs were supposed to be hanging out. I saw it as an opportunity to learn and research. I dragged along, Film Buff, my partner in crime from school. The Exchange Guy had to work, so he missed out.

On the way to the club we had a discussion about the community and its reputation. I told him that many people ask why I am interested in researching these guys. Many people act like it's immoral or inherently bad. We tend to share the same feelings about the community.

We both think it's a valuable tool to help men meet women. Some men will use this tool wisely and some wont. It's like any other tool. A hammer isn't inherently bad. One guy could use it to build a house. Another man could use it to destroy a house. The tool isn't destructive, the man is.

To claim all men, or all PUAs, or all guys that seek to improve their social skills with women are bad is a sweeping stereotype. But more on my theories on the community and its reputation later.

When Film Buff and I arrived it was fairly empty (but it was a school night). Film Buff told me he didn't want to "game" and I told him he had to at least practice looking confident. He agreed and played along well throughout the night, as I reminded him & Yakuza to stand straight and not lean in. He got pretty good at it.

Film Buff really likes a girl in one of his classes, they went on a date but he freaked out and now it's weird. I am hoping he learns some skills to get better at dealing with girls he likes.

Film Buff was telling me what he knows about the community and about two guys he knows. He says one's a really ass and the other is a cool guy, both are PUAs. We also talked about Jeffries' creepy sugar packet thing and NLP (or whatever that linguist thing is).

Yakuza, entered the club, I wasn't sure it was him and he just stood near the entry, alone. I looked his way & smiled several times but the lighting was bad and I didn't want to keep sending signals if it was him in the first place. He sat down at an abandoned table near the entrance and chilled for a while until he saw his other pua friends. They then huddled around a table in the middle of the room.

I eventually went outside to smoke, leaving Film Buff to fend for himself and on my way back in I ran into Yakuza, and he introduced himself and he introduced me to his PUA friend, who has a girlfriend. "He likes to help newbies in the community." I shook the PUAs hand and he wanted to do some silly handshake, I refused. After some banter I headed back inside to keep from getting too chilly. Yakuza followed in shortly after & I introduced him to Film Buff.

Film Buff & I shared pot stickers and just enjoy the scene (I devoured most of the pot stickers...I was so hungry...thanks for sharing Film Buff). There weren't really that many people there(especially HBs), so we just chilled. Yakuza made a comment about his over "peacocking"..."I stand out like a sore thumb". I tried to explain to him that he needs to "own" is identity. I reminded him he's a law student and can claim he just came from work. I don't he understand.

I tried to turn his negative comment into a positive by making his attire (a dress shirt, jacket, and slacks) a part of his identity (law student). I didn't think he looked bad but I thought it was poor social judgment to mention it to others. Just by mentioning it, I felt like he was Demonstrating Lower Value (DLV). I told him if he was worried about it to wear jeans next time but that the rest looked fashionable. Most of the other guys were dressed down a bit but there was no reason (other than identity) to be dressed in anything more flashy than jeans & a t-shirt (and even jeans and a t-shirt can be done stylishly).

Film Buff told me he needed to go shopping for clothes and asked if I would help him. I thought that was pretty cool, besides I love to shop (duh! I'm a girl) but I don't shop much because I am on a limited (student) budget. And I love fashion (duh! again!). I love men who are well dress. PERIOD. And it doesn't even have to be a specific style. And it can even be better if the guy presents his own style and not some carbon copy of something he saw else where. Fashion can convey identity.

Yakuza went and sat by himself at a big table in the middle of the room (PUA friend was off doing something else). Later, I tried to explain to him that sitting alone was VERY bad for his "social proof". I also tried to explain to him that he should have came right in & started talking to the first people he saw (even if he didn't know them) because it sets the tone for the evening and it lets girls know that he is social....since girls are social they value this. They don't want to date the "lone wolf".

I reminded him of the 3-second rule. He tried to argue with me by saying that the 3-second rule had to do with 3-seconds of eye contact. I told him that didn't matter about eye contact. All that matters is that the girl saw you standing around for several minutes doing nothing. I don't think it matter that you're looking for friends. Go right in and be social with anyone and everyone.

The three of us shared a yummy chocolate cake dessert. Yakuza told me how he found out about the game, how he'd be having trouble at his small school, and he told me a bit about his experience and that he's looking for a girlfriend (ahhhh...that's so sweet....I hope he finds one). He also told Film Buff about the stylelife challenge. Some 30 day program that is going to be starting soon. Sounds interesting.

By the end of the night I am no where nearer a solution to my project but I had fun. And I realized that men are easily afraid of women. And that most guys are clueless when it comes to women. And that PUAs are helping these guys get better the whole thing.