Where did the weekend go? Random Riffs

I'm feeling the Sunday Night dread of having spent a beautiful weekend trying to check things off of my to-do/due list and ended up putting more thing on the list then checking them off the list.

I have to bring my new (to me) car back to CarMax (the dealer) to get several things worked on. I have to be near LAX at 9am tomorrow morning. They plan to keep my car for several days. Ugh. I love my new car, it's a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spider and as happy as I am to receive a "loaner" car from the dealer, I really just don't want to part w/ my vehicle. But the work is being done for free as part of my purchase agreement.

I also have to interview a classmate of mine for the Interviewing class. She's an editor on the school paper and I've spent a good portion of today reading her articles but I feel like I need more time for my research. She is also going to interview me and I'm a bit nervous about that too.

253, a hyperlink text, was the other (Remix Culture) assignment that took up a lot of my weekend. And I realized life is like a hyperlink text. We're constantly faced w/ various options of things we can do. For example, this weekend I choose the read 253, instead of enjoying the beautiful weather. Which hopefully works in my favor in tomorrow's discussion. I spent hours reading through various passengers' text and I dont think I read a majority of the stuff that is available on that site.

I basically procrastinated on a lot of other very important academic things this weekend. The only writing related stuff I did was read "Lars & The Real Girl" for my advanced screenwriting class.

The other distraction I had was eBrad, who I met through eHarmony. I met him for the first time Friday. He seems cool enough. We'll see how it goes though. He asked me to kiss him after just meeting him shortly before and w/ no kino or very little comfort building. I asked him if he deserved a kiss. Come on fellas, work for it a little, please.

I also spent a great deal of time discussing Presidential candidates and taking these online surveys regarding the candidates that match my values most. Check them out:

This survey covers 11 Presidential-platform issues.
And
This Survey covers 25 Presidential-platform issues.

Both said Kucinich was the candidate that most represented my values...interesting.
More about this fascinating stuff later. I'm tired.
I didn't blog yesterday so, I'll have to make up for it and make an extra post tomorrow.

A comment from a reader and my response

"Do you have intentions to use what you learned studying male pickup to attract or get men into your life? And if so would you be interested in getting together with other females who want the same?

2. I recently joined a community with a mission statement to change the world, if you're interested in getting a start on saving the world PM me (Schizo on StyleLife forum) with your email address and I'll send you an invite :D" ~Schizo

Hey Schizo,

It's great to hear from you again. I really enjoyed your input on my CommStu project.

As far as my personal relationship goals are concerned, I'm finding it very difficult to date right now for several different reasons. Two main reasons are school and my heart.

My school takes up a lot of time and when I get into relationships I want to be the best "lover"/girlfriend I can be and that's time consuming in itself.

And as far as my heart is concerned, it doesn't seem to understand how this all works and it has a mind of its own. I will definitely use the skills that I'm continuing to learn to gain friendships and other relationships.

Having just moved to a new large city, I find myself struggling to create and maintain friendships. I feel like the skills I'm learning are going to help me be more social and outgoing and cultivate meaningful relationships.

But for right now, it difficult to think about anyone (romantically/sexually) but the last guy I was dating. Even though I know logically it's not going to work out with him, my heart keeps hoping for something it's never going to get (from him), love. I could literally be with probably half-a-dozen other men right now but all my heart wants is him (trust me I've tried to convince it otherwise...it's just going to take time).

But enough about that right now. One major reason that I became interested in this community was because I was a part of a (very) small group of women that were trying to figure out why we were all beautiful, talented, intelligent, some-what successful, and all struggling with relationships. There were probably 6 of us to start with and two dropped out, one got married, one has a boyfriend, and there are still 2 of us struggling, me and Sexy Sharon (I posted about her here).

Sexy Sharon (who is truly sexy) started this "private" group online on Fourth of July two years ago. We were supposed to be reclaiming our independence. She read a bunch of books (The Rules, Mr. Right, Right Now, etc). We were doing our own social experiments with the guys we were dating.

It worked well for the two women currently in relationships (that marriage came about in part because of our group's efforts). But Sexy Sharon and I still are struggling to find what we're looking for. And if I could help be a part of Sexy Sharon finding a meaningful relationship and love, I would be very happy. She deserves it. We all do.

I would love to work on the female version of The Mystery Method. That's one reason I'm so interested in this group is because I want to help other females. My younger brother told me that Style is looking to create a female version of the Game and he's currently looking for females to help him with this project. As interesting as that sounds, and with nothing personal against Style, I would much rather be involved with TMM than with any other organization at this point.

I have my own apprehensions about meeting gurus and other master PUAs in the community. I really enjoy seeing my newbie friends in the field or just talking about this stuff with people who know about it but GURUs (that I've never met) are a whole other game (pun intended). Besides, I do NOT want to be nose raped. And if Style ever put his fingers in my nose, I'd be pissed off to the point of the possibility of prison (I would show Style that rape of any kind is not a matter to play around with or joke about....PERIOD).

I'm very interested in changing the world for the better. I'm not sure how much time I have to be involved in a group right now, though. As I mentioned before, I'm very focused on my education currently and that is (besides myself) one of my biggest priorities at the moment. My free time should be a little more free in about 10 weeks, when summer break begins. I'm hoping not to have to go to school during the summer and my major goal for the summer is to write and write often (because I want to be a writer when I finally grow up).

Ramblings on the Radio

Radio Explained:

This story or segment is a lousy attempt to explain an inside joke between me and He Who is Him or Him Who is He (HWH). That's the new nickname of the guy I dated haphazardly since I moved to L.A. about 6 months ago. Unfortunately, our relationship is no longer what is was. But that's beside the point, which is that HWH ended up nicknaming me "radio". And for whatever reason, I grew fond of it.

He first called me this when I was very under-the-influence of my favorite medicine (see guilty pleasures, if you don't know what sort of medicine I'm talking about). While under-the-influence I (like most people) become very talkative. But I think I'm a little unique in my talkativeness, because I could virtually talk and talk and talk and it's very much like stream of consciousness.

HWH said on more than one occasion that he could practically "see" my train of thought. I'm assuming he is a visual person because he's a man, and he told me most men are visual. And he also made a comment right after meeting me about how I "must" be visual because I say "see" and I look up and two the right when I talk (but I sorta assumed that was some sort of chick-crack thing he was using on me). Anyways, this too is beside the point.

The point is, I can verbally express what is occurring in my mind (as thoughts, words, and sometimes images) as it is happening. And all I need is an audience. And thankfully for the audience, he doesn't really have to listen to what I'm saying but he can if it is more entertaining than what's being projected on the television or if he can practice guitar while I'm rambling on.

This phenomena is similar to how a radio functions because: a radio is primarily audio but still tries to create images with words (and sounds); radios doesn't require the audience to actually listen or participate with the audio; Radios hardly play the same thing for very long; and radios can be set on scan, so that the actual station changes in intervals automatically.

When I'm stoned, I'm very similar to that in the fact that: I primarily talk but I use my words and my gestures to create images; I don't require him to listen; He doesn't have to listen or participate, either, but it's always funner when he does; I change topics as quickly as they enter and exit my mind; and some times I change "stations" when my train of thought takes a new track (or thread as the puas like to call it).

I realize that this sort of weed-induced talkativeness is not uniquely my own characteristic. I'm under no delusions that this sort of behavior is common amongst those that partake of the green goodness. I have actually witnessed these symptoms first hand in second-hand situations. In fact, I have used the term "radio" to refer to HWH's mom and one of his best friends. I doubt his mom was actually under the influence of anything when she was talkative but I know for a fact his friend was, when his was accused of being a radio.

Anyhoo, now all those that read my blog know roughly the origins of the "radio" references I've made in my blog thus far. I guess the reason I'm mentioning it s much here is because I can't really keep making the inside joke with HWH because we don't really communicate much any more, which is my fault in some ways.

But I'm so busy right now, I've hardly thought about it much. I guess it's best to focus on school and not worry about something that can't be changed.

I LOVE MY SCHOOL

So speaking of school, I love it. Everyday I go to campus, I'm so thankful for being able to attend that university and I been take advantage of as many resources as I'm able to take advantage of because I'm a student.

I don't want to give out too much information about my personal life and I definitely do NOT want to jeopardized my safety but putting identifiable information on this blog. So, I'm not going to be posting too much info about my school but I have to at least mention it because it's such a HUGE part of my life right now.

And I love my school.

I love the campus. It's beautiful. I love seeing younger students visiting our campus. Twice I've seen students that had to be in pre-school or maybe kindergarten. I only say that they must have been that young because the average height of the students was probably shorter than my waist is high. And for those that know me, my waist isn't that high. And those students (which I saw today visiting our campus) look very young. They were carrying their lunch boxes and some of the lunch boxes seems to be roughly the size of some of their upper torsos.

I have no idea why students that young would be visiting our campus. I don't remember visiting a university campus (EVER) before I was enrolled in junior college.

Regardless the reason, I think it's cool to see those little people walking around enjoying our campus. I assume it has a positive impact on some of them, although, when they are that young I'm not sure.

But I do love seeing middle school and high school kids on our campus also. Especially, if those students appear to be "inner-city students".

THE RACE CARD

I know this may sound weird, but I find race relations and class distinctions/seperations in L.A. (and especially on my campus) to be very different from what I'm used to. It's sorta puzzled me since I've moved here (roughly 6 months ago).

I haven't exactly been able to specifically pin point what about it makes me feel this way but there is definitely something unfamiliar to me about the way non-visual racial and class lines are adhered to in L.A.

I'm not exactly sure if others feel this way and I assume that people from different areas of the country and the world probably think that L.A. is very diverse, which I would agree it is. However, just because there are a lot of different types of people represented in the populace of this city, doesn't mean that these types intermingle outside of formal settings.

It's weird to me. I can figuratively see segments of people who are most alike clustered together around campus and around this city. Examples: At school many of the workers (including student workers, maintenance workers, etc) are minorities (most of the time); Same is true for bank tellers, cashiers, valet parkers, car service/limo drivers, bus drivers, etc around town.

There are distinct hidden-class line. I've gone into parts of L.A. where the only minorities were paid employees (and I doubt they are being paid well enough). And I've been to areas of L.A. where I was the only white face amongst many shoppers.

Being the only white person in a group of minorities isn't particularly odd to me. I can think of many occasions where this has been the case in my past. However, the expressions and reactions to me by those minorities in L.A. was very unique to me.

STARING

People have been known to stare at me, which I find particularly odd, so I ignore a great deal of people's glances and stares because I don't want to be overly concerned with people staring at me.

I've had several friends comment the fact that people stare at me and I've noticed it myself. I am not exactly sure what the reasons are for people staring but sometimes it's because I'm the only Caucasian in a particular location or sometimes it's because I dress outlandishly. My reaction to people staring at me in the past has been to just ignore it and avoid eye contact.

Which is probably more counterproductive, so lately I've been trying to make eye contact and smile. However, some guys see smiling as a invitation and most of the time, I'm not really inviting anyone to anything, most of the time I'm just trying to be polite.

But I've notice this subject has quickly derailed, who knows where it will go now.

I've realized that if people are staring and you make eye contact with them, they general stop staring.

Staring seems to be a particular problem in L.A. too. And I figured it's because there are celebrities here and everyone's dying to see some star somewhere. I've noticed when people stare in L.A. they are generally trying to get a look at ones face. And I figure that's because they want to know if the person they are staring at is a star or not.

I've caught myself doing this myself. I look at someone in the face of a passing care because I think they may look familiar or may be someone I recognize. But I really don't know that many celebrities by face so, I don't spend much time doing this. And when they see me looking, I usually look away after I realize that I've been staring at someone who doesn't really appear to be a star anyways.

ROBIN WILLIAMS

It's funny my mind just started to wonder to a memory about a time that I worked in the Bay Area at a computer store and I thought my customer reminded me a lot of Robin Williams. I mentioned it to him and his son (or the younger boy that was with him) started to say something and the man stopped him from saying whatever he was about to say to me.

I don't really think that guy was Robin Williams, mostly, because I'm sure I would totally recognize Robin Williams if he was in front of me, since I'm a huge fan. But I've often wondered if it was his brother or something.

And I also think it's funny because I did actually see Robin Williams walking down the street in San Francisco years later but I almost didn't see him but my friend pointed him out as he rushed by us. That was definitely Robin Williams.

MY ARMS HURT

I was hoping to write more but my arms are starting to hurt...so I'm going to give them a rest for now.

And in the tradition of this radio program, I'm going to leave this blog unedited or proofread until further notice. I can't really make correction right now. [some what edited now]

Good night. And if you're not sleeping next to the one you love, may they find a way into your arms soon. Sweet dreams.

Wordsmithery...or I am a radio

For lack of a title this post is going be ambiguously delightful. There's so many things I rolling around in my head. Things I want to express. It's hard to pick just one thing to write about. So, I'll just write and see what comes of it. Let this be a moral story about the effects of blogging under the influence and tripping off the effects of insurmountable stress. The topics here enclosed will all relate to my love for language and my passion to master its craft. Words are symbols waiting to be decoded. And this is proof.

If this doesn't make any sense to you, good. It shouldn't. Because it makes no sense to me either.

My New Favorite Color

Orange is usually my favorite color. It's so bright and cautious. It screams "Hey look at me but be careful as you proceed. Green's cool too. I like green for what it represents. Freedom or wait...is it dependence. I get the two confused. But so does our president. His favorite color is probably oil brown because it represents green to him. Or maybe its blood red because that the color he's spread around the the oil brown to get more green. Enough about the corruption in the white house...let's get back to writing about me or at least my new favorite color, which happens to be purple haze.

I am Afraid to Fall

There is something that I learned today. Or realized rather. I've never learned to skateboard. Because I'm too afraid to fall. It's something like TenMagnet's last few posts about risk taking (vol. 1 and vol. 2) . I'm not not a risk taker when it comes to falling. I avoid most activities that involve falling. Rollerblading, snowboarding, mountain biking, hiking, surfing, horseback riding, gymnastics, motocycle riding, trapezing, bungee jumping (well...I actually tried that once though), crowd surfing, professional wresting, walking down stairs, falling in love and so on and so forth. These are all activities I avoid. Because I'm afraid to fall. I get vertigo.

Today when I ran into my T.A., near the middle of campus, I stopped him because I was heading over to his office hours. He stopped and waited for me to print my paper and then he held office with me in a beautifully busy part of campus. The weather was great and I people watched as he read my paper and I saw a group of guys all trying to land a skateboard jump off a two and a half foot jump.

A weird realization came over me, I would never be out there trying to do that in front of all those people. I mean, I watched them for a while and I only saw one of the guys land one of the attempts. There must have be nearly hundred attempts. Sometimes they'd fall. Sometimes they'd land on there feet. Sometimes they'd land on the board weird. But every single time they regained control and went back to try it again, and again, and again. I hardly saw them phased by their failed attempts. I didn't see them pass judgment on any of the other guys. I didn't see people jeering them if they landed poorly. It was just systematic.

And it made me think that's the way to get good at stuff. Go for it and go for it and go for it. But I wondered if they were getting better. I wondered if they were making the most out of their missed jumps and fumbled falls. Were they analyzing their game? I wondered if they approached anything else in their lives like they did skateboarding. I couldn't do it. It seems like a waste of time to me. I mean Tony Hawk is cool but how many other 40 year old men do you know that still skateboard? Or that can say skateboarding enriched their life. Maybe more than I think. I wonder if they're going to be disappointed that the spent their time skateboarding on beautiful sunny day. Or I wonder if they were the happiest guys out there today.

Doctor Faustus

Blind ambition, pride, and absolute knowledge. I love satire. And irony. I love school too. It strange the things you learn when you're open to it. Or it's strange the way you notice things differently after you've discovered some new. Perception is a strange concept. The nature of contracts and flaws. It's strange the things they make you read at the University. And it's strange I've never read it before. And why are the kids nearly 10 years younger than me who have read this stuff? Questions have questions marks but do rhetorical questions require question marks? Who would pay $80 for a bottle of hay? And is two-thirds knowledge and power worth eternal damnation? And if the morals not about a deal with the devil, then what is the moral? What is Marlowe trying to write to me? Who talks about themselves in the third person? The limitations of language? Or the liberation of language? What's at stake? And so what? And is the title of a play really underlined? I can't see the thesis through the argument, metaphorically speaking. How can they let young fashionable professors teach? There should be a minimum age limits and they should be required to be unattractive and no pierced ears and pink ties. "Curse Faustus, curse Lucifer" albeit a warped reflection. Holding a mirror up to...

Numbers

I love numbers. Numbers are symbols. If I was a PUA, I'd use the "pick a number between one and ten" chick crack thingy all the time. Or at least I know it would definitely work on me. But then again, must of that stuff would work on me. But then again, I'd always pick eight, so it probably wouldn't work on me but who knows, if he's cute enough, it usually works. But that's beside the point or at least besides the number. Which is eight. Or when two eights become a zero. Or when song number nine is "piano". And three fifteen is headautomatica. And eight seventeen is love's first date. And two twenty-eight is his birthday. And twenty one is lucky but you don't believe in luck but it's your day nonetheless. There are numbers you purposely forget and numbers you can't forget if you wanted to forget. Numbers are meaning. The number twelve or the eight or even the super twelve. Mc eight was a rapper but no one remember him. nine-two-five is the place I'm from. Three-ten is the place I am at. Twenty-eight is fading and thirty-two is gone. Seventeen is old for a dog. Maybe too old. Fifty is for purple haze and Two plus is a long time to wait. And three seventeen is the day to wear green. I could go on and on and on...

Pillows

I love pillows. Different size, different cases. Different firmnesses. One for the neck. Stack the up next to me when I sleep. He hugs his at night. And bites them with delight. Two under the knees. One under the butt. Four to sit up with. Contoured. And throw. Match or not. Pillows are a symbol.

The best dream this week

I had an awesome dream this week. I was in "my back yard" or so it seemed to be. In a swimming pool that boarder on a glass that looked into a resort swimming pool and a neighbor's swimming pool. The resort had big pirate boats that they would have in their side of the pool and they'd have shows and I remember it was all so exciting. Warm and happy.

The worst dream this week

I had a terrible dream this week. I was in a shopping mall and someone kidnapped a little girl. They shut down the whole mall and everyone was looking for this girl. Some lady started bitching about being inconvenienced. I don't know what happened after that. I just remember it being a terrible feeling. Dreams are symbols.

I Want to be a Professor

I'd be happy being a professor. I'd get to help a bunch of young people expand their minds. I could do research in some exotic field. Teach classes and write. I think it would be cool to become a professor. You could tell your students really liberal things. Show them things they've never saw. Teach them to teach themselves. Council them and guide them. Be on a beautiful campus. Take class in spare time. Be around other great minds. Have an influence on the world. Learn. Grow. Think. Create....

What I like about the Seduction Community: The Mystery Method

Strange but true. I realize I am a bit biased but I like those guys. I've done a bit of research and haven't found a group I like more yet. Don't be jealous, I can't like all the stuff I come across. But I do like most of what I see from them. I've had the opportunity to meet a few of them. I won't get into the details surrounding that but I will say, those that I've met stand out in my mind. And even the ones I haven't met still seem good enough. They seem to have integrity and be hardworking. Savoy seems to be a great leader of men, he does what he can for his employees. His blog might be lacking as of late but that's not his fault. Maybe now he can get back to blogging, OAPing, and other more important communications. He doesn't seem as bad as some would paint him. He's witty and caring. And it seems like he could be successful at anything he tried. Sinn's a character. It seems like he can argue or bet anything. He seems to believe in what he's doing and I am jealous of him because he has one of the coolest jobs that I can think of. And he puts himself into it. He's young and sharp. And his blog is the most entertaining to follow. I love TenMagnet's blog post though too. They are so packed full of insights even if he doesn't post as often as others. He really seems to have a good grasp on these concepts. And besides he has a cool name. Future's a laugh. His posts are varied but entertaining nonetheless. It's cool that he's a film student and writes screenplays. And I want to make creme brulee. Capitan Jack is a hoot with his same day lays. He seems to have solid advice to give, especially his recent post on sticking points. Feddelio seems cool. I am sure we would never get along though (and that's not a disqualification statement or anything) but his posts are cool too. I like the advice he gave to his daughters. His personality really shone through. It's hard to keep up with all the PUAs in the community or read all the blogs but so far, I've like most of what I've seen from The Mystery Method crew. If you've haven't checked them out give them a try. You might be presently surprised.

My Friend the Exchange Guy

Really reminds me of my little brother. It's sorta strange. I think I befriended him so that I could be reminded of my brother often. They have the same body type. It's kinda cool because it's like I have a little brother in L.A. But the Exchange Guy is an exchange student, so he'll be leaving at the end of next quarter. He hooked me up today. If it weren't for him this post would probably be coherent or nonexistent. But I needed a night off. No school work, no worries, no sadness, no fears. Just me and my words.

A is for Ambiguity

There is no one in this world that knows everything about me. No one. Probably not even me. It's not something I am proud of. It's just the way I've learn to keep things. Imagine if everyone knew everything about you. I have radical dreams and liberal fantasies. High hopes and ideal ideas. I want to love different than is socially acceptable. I want live outside the lines. I want to die happy. And be proud of what I've done. I want to teach people and leave my mark on the world.

Social Capital

I want to write something about social capital but I don't know how to spell it and my arms are starting to hurt from typing so much.

I'd write more but I'm tired and in pain now. Tonight. Take care. If you're not sleeping next to the one you love tonight, may they find their way into your arms soon enough.

***Warning***
This post is unedited and will remain that way until further notice. (semi-edited now)

Yesterday was a beautiful day, today maybe too

Yesterday, I finally got paid (hallelujah!), I wore a dress because the weather allowed me to, I saw two golden retrievers and petted them, I got help with my English paper, and took some "private time". Yay!

Today is looking pretty good too. I just finished my communication studies project (thank God), I can buy some much needed pot, the weather looks great, I can get more help on my English paper, and I have NO class today.....awww, it feels good.