Things I Cannot Live Without: LOVE

I love love. I'm a hopeless romantic. In the worst kind of way. I idealize everything. I see the world with a child-like naiveté. And it keeps getting me into trouble. I'm not sure how I made it this far with such an quixotic outlook on life.

I want to believe the world is the way I was told it was; the way we tell our children it is. I want to believe all the lies I've been told. Lies about love, hate, America, the world, people, religion, history, truth, the future, dating, justice, sex, hope, responsibility, promises, prayers, relationships, drugs, and whatever else we've been lied to about. But in particular love.

So tonight's radio broadcast is going to be about love and somethings I really love.

MUSIC

I love music. It's be a huge part of my life and I relate things to music. I love music so much that I have to limit the amount of music I am exposed to because I feel guilty for not giving my music enough love already. But I am not musical. I can't singer or play an instrument. I just love hearing music. I love lyrics best. I love lyrics that tell stories or make me feel like how I feel is articulated in an audio translation. I've got a thing for hearing voices and listening to music can heighten my sexual experience easily. Most of my closest friends and ex-lovers have been musicians or consumed by some aspect of music. It's how I categorize my memories, emotions, and hopes. It's probably a good thing that I don't have an ipod; if I had one I might
not ever pay attention to anyone or anything around me. I'd be lost in my own head for hours. I write to music and want the things that I write reflective of my love for music. I've been asking friends and lovers to make me mixed c.d.s for years. It started with Jealous Jason. I've gotten introduced to my favorite music by someone I've loved or admired. Some themes I've received over the years: angel songs, slow & mellow songs, songs sung by females, one hit wonders, love songs, sex songs, madona & michael jackson, I'm sorta crazy songs, etc. I can listen to a song with good lyrics over and over and over again. I can listen to mixed c.d.s repeatedly and go for months without changing the mix c.d. in my car stereo. Music is playing right now in the back ground. I make play lists based of my writing projects. I assign people songs, usually guys I am dating. He who is him (HWH) is assigned the song, "Blue Eyes" that I posted previously; or he's "Wish you were here" by pinkfloyd. Jealous Jason is song has been "You oughta know" by Alanis Morrisette. Bass Bob is "Her middle name is boom" by Glassjaw. "Angel" for a different ex-boyfriend because he told me that song was about heroin and since he was an ex-user (I believed him...remembering I am starry-eyed). I am not going to post a bunch of lyrics on this post, because it would just take up too much room but I'll list a few songs that I've been listening today. I love "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor and I love the video. I'd say she capture I sentiment that I often have very well and I love the color at the end of that video. I love music and lyrics (the movie and otherwise). I love the Presidents of the United States of America. I love when he sings to me while playing guitar. I'll miss that. I've thought of movie ideas based off of song lyrics. "White Wedding Dress" by boysetsfire. I love concerts. "I Need Two Girls if I can't have you". I think that's enough about how much I love music.

MOVIES

I love movies. I can't believe The Teenage Mutant Turtles is going to be a new movie. Ohmigawd! I love romantic comedies. I wish I could see more movies. It seems like I watch less movies since I've moved to L.A. I own nearly no d.v.d.s Exccpt for Amelie, American Beauty, The Story of Us, EverAfter, What Dreams may Come, and Pay it forward. I love watching little kid movies in the theatre at night when no one else is there. I love snuggling up with a guy during scary movies. I love crying at movies. I've only walked out of a movie once because I was too disturbed, in Boys Don't Cry. I love movies with life lessons. I love pornos, even though they are not movies and I don't own any. I love Jackie Chan movies. I love City of Lost Children. I love movies with great music. I love movie posters.

I should be writing right now...maybe, I'll continue this post later.

[unedited]

I feel awful

I hurt someone I really care about and broke his trust more than once. I'm not proud of what I've done or happy where it's gotten me. I know I should think positive (and I will) but at the same time I just need to deal with what I've done. And I've done something awful so I am dealing with the effects of that and it makes me feel awful.


I want to be a person of my word and I want to help and I want to do things I am proud of and that people can be proud of me for doing. I want to be strong and happy and in love.

This song makes me happy:

Artist: Cary Brothers Lyrics
Song: Blue Eyes Lyrics

Wish enough, wise man'll tell you a lie
Window broke, torn up screens
Who'd have thought that you'd dream
Of a single tragic scene

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just want to take it off of you

Cause Blue Eyes
You are all that I need
Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the sweet to my mean

Fess it up, dot on the palm of your hand
I can help you to stand
Saved it up for this dance
Tell me all the things you can

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna be the one that's true

Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the secret I keep
Cause Blue Eyes

All the lights on and you are alive
But you can't point the way to your heart
So sublime, when the stars are aligned
But you don't know
You don't know the greatness you are

Cause Blue Eyes
You are destiny's scene
Cause Blue Eyes
I just wanna be the one

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna get it on with you

Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the secret I keep
Cause Blue Eyes
I just wanna sing a song with you…