I Judge You When...You Lower your Own Social Value (Another Guy)

Hey,

I know it's been a while since I've posted and most of my last posts were about medical cannabis. I've shifted my attention from Seduction Community stuff to medical marijuana community stuff. But this was too good not to blog about.

At this point I don't know if anyone will ever see it but I have to get it off my proverbial chest. I did a similar blog about this topic here. And sorta touched on the same thing here

Below is a facebook email I received from a guy I've maybe spent 2 minutes talking to face-to-face. We go to the same school and I've seen him around:

Subject: Hi

How are you today [Omitted my real name]? I always find you very attractive and beautiful. You are a very brilliant, smart, and intelligent woman. I am honored to have the opportunity to know you and it would a great prestige for me to get to know you even better. In other words, at the personal level. Life is short and I believe that we should enjoy it to the fullest. My beginning of having that life is by having a cup of coffee with you in Starbucks and just have a casual and friendly talk for 20 minutes of your time. If you are interested, call me at [Omitted his first phone #] or [Omitted his second phone #]. You may email me your time availability at [omitted his email address] and then I promise you I will get back to you [omitted my real name].

I will be happy which whatever decision that you make because I honor your sincerity and authenticity.

With love,

[omitted his name]

Let me break it down how wrong this email is, step-by-step.

Subject: Hi

How are you today [Omitted my real name]?

There's nothing inherently wrong with this.

I always find you very attractive and beautiful.

Mistake #1: Lowered his own value. I know this simple sentence may seem harmless enough to a guy who has no clue what he's doing with women but let me explain how this is a super big no-no.

Let's just pretend for a moment that I felt his value and my value were the exact same before I received this email. Let's say I feel we're both 7's. With this one sentence he loses 2 value points and I gain 2 because he said "attractive and beautiful" I get a point for each of those words and he loses a point for each.

Leaving me at a value of 9 and him at a value of 5. A 9 would never date a 5.

Now, I know there are some dumb fools out their protesting, "But 'attractive and beautiful' are compliments. You should be flattered". I'm attractive and beautiful and I get told so on a regular basis. There is nothing flattering about being told so by a complete stranger.

To be told so by someone I've had maybe 5 words with means one thing. He wants to have sex with me. It also implies that he probably doesn't have anyone who is "attractive and beautiful" to currently have sex with him. So why on earth, if other attractive and beautiful women don't spend their time with this guy, would I?

Reminder: one of the attraction switches is "desired by other women". If a guy can't demonstrate he has other women attracted to him, it's one less thing for me to find attractive about him.

In other words, he has unintentionally demonstrated that he has no attractive and beautiful women in his life which lowers his value below a 5 and I still consider myself a 9 in this situation.

I should note that this would be considered a compliment if we had known each other, I found him attractive, I felt comfortable with him and we had some level of seduction going on. It's not the words themselves but the timing and the delivery which ruined it for this guy.

And that's only the second sentence of the email he sent.

You are a very brilliant, smart, and intelligent woman.

There's no doubt that I am all these things. But if I have never spoken to this guy for more than 2 minutes, how the hell would he know? I don't feel he has had enough time with me to qualify this compliment which to me means, he could easily say it to any woman, making it insincere.

Besides, he said the same thing 3 different ways. "brilliant, smart, and intelligent" all mean the same exact thing. So, that means he's laying it on thick and if he's laying it on thick, something's not right.

It also subcommunicates to me that he doesn't have brilliant, smart, and intelligent women in his life. And again, makes me question why I would want to waste my time with him. He loses 3 value points for (1 for each compliment) and I gain 3. Making his value is at 2 and he's put my value so high, at this point, it doesn't even register on a scale (which I know is absurd...I could easily see myself at a 7 or 9 in different situations but never over a 10).

Again, this would be a compliment coming from a guy at the right time and place.

I am honored to have the opportunity to know you and it would a great prestige for me to get to know you even better.

Syntaxually, This may sound a little odd because I'm pretty sure he is a foreigner.

Other than his foreign sentence structure, this sentence is just over the top. "honored to have the opportunity to know you" Now, mind you, in my mind he is a perfect stranger for him to feel "honored" and "prestiged" to get to know me places me on a super high pedestal at the same time it digs him into a "DLV" ditch. Putting our values astronomically apart. From my calculations he has me somewhere around a 15 and he's put himself at a 0.

At this point, he doesn't have a snow-ball's-chance-in-hell with me. He's made himself so unattractive to me and I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing. And that's not even half way through the email for Christ's sake.

In other words, at the personal level.

In other words, he wants to fuck me which is out of the question since his value is so much lower than mine now.

Life is short and I believe that we should enjoy it to the fullest.

In other words, he's been unable to get any other girl to fuck him currently and he's fully desperate to be laid by any girl who he finds attractive.

My beginning of having that life is by having a cup of coffee with you in Starbucks and just have a casual and friendly talk for 20 minutes of your time.

Nothing about this email makes me think spending 20 minutes with this guy will be "casual and friendly". In fact, I dread the thought of wasting 20 minutes with this guy because I'll have to sit through 20 minutes of what will doubtlessly be a very socially uncomfortable time with a very unattractive man who does NOT have a clue about how to be successful with women. And he already has indicated that those 20 minutes are going to be the beginning of his life, as if it depends on me having coffee with him. And I don't even drink coffee.

If you are interested, call me at [Omitted his first phone #] or [Omitted his second phone #].

In other words, he's going to eagerly await my call because he has nothing better to do which makes him even more unattractive and makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

You may email me your time availability at [omitted his email address] and then I promise you I will get back to you [omitted my real name].

At this point the email is just painful. I won't continue to deconstruct his words because I think you get the point.

He has caused more alarming questions than anything: Where's the challenge? I don't feel like I've earned this sort of expression. How does he add value to my life? I'd be embarrassed to be seen with a guy who doesn't know how to act socially with women. What if he makes my girlfriends as uncomfortable as he made me?

A girl may not consciously be thinking these things but she will be feeling it on some subconscious level and that's why he's in this position now because he hasn't learned how to interact with women in ways they respond to.

He chose to "frame" it with me on the pedestal and him in the "DLV" ditch but he could have also chosen to "frame" it with himself slightly above me and he could have gamed it all the way. You can lead a horse to water but...you can't make him seduce women successfully; he has to do that himself.

And even if the girl is conscious of exactly everything I've written, she's not going to tell him.

She's going to do 1 of 2 things. 1) ignore the email and the man as much as possible and dread running into him in person. 2) be rude and bitchy towards him so that he gets a clue he doesn't have a chance with her.

I tend to do #1 unless pursued then I won't hesitate to do #2. I've ignored his email so far and really dread running into him in real life. I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time, and even more so,I don't want to feel uncomfortable or be pursued by unattractive men.

I'm tempted to send him a link to Love Systems or to write back and tell him how wrong his email is but that hasn't been very productive in the past. Some guys just refuse to learn what it takes to be successful with women.

I Like It DEEEEEP: So Why Does It Seem I Can Only Get It Online

Random female bitching about beauty products:

Why do haircare companies provide a product that I love and then let it disappear from drugstore shelves? Is it so much to ask that Aussie keep their 3 Minute Miracle DEEEEEP conditioner at my CVS, RiteAid, or Longs?

Church Girls Do It Better: And So It Is, Amen

I've recently started going to church. Actually, it's more of a spiritual center dedicated to positive thinking and healing. It's a non-denominational congregation. It gives me a chance to spend all-day Sunday on myself and my spiritual growth. I like this environment because it seems non-judgmental and that feels good because I've had a life that can be judged harshly by religious folks.

I'd like to say a prayer for He Whom is Him (HWH) tonight

God knows he needs it. May everything work out for him and may he be nothing but blessed.

Ode to Guys who Know What They are Doing

This rant was written in response to a rant written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal which I first found at Savoy's blog

This is a tribute to the guys who know what they are doing. The guys that finish first; that never get stuck as 'just friend'; that know better than to endure any whining and bitching from girls about other guys; while getting what they really want. This is dedicated to those guys who have more than a shoulder to offer and who never restrain themselves to tentative hugs; "those guys who hold open doors" and give reassuring pats on the back just as well as they give females organisms and who have better things to do than sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that make women feel cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy without explicitly saying it, because they know how to interact with the opposite sex. "This is in honor of guys with open minds"; with social skills; with an honest assessment of their dating abilities and value. "This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style."

But more importantly, This is for the girls who don't get so drunk and bewildered at parties and to the guys who make women want take advantage of the guys at her door; for the guys who never make girls think of wanting buffers at bar and guys who make girls forget about the rest of the creepy male population; for the guys who know how to make a girl give compliments to men but also give compliments out occasionally anyway, for the guys who knows how to play the game well and understands its unwritten rules; for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material and end up being boyfriends, for all the great guys who can never be overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated; for all the fascinating guys who never manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned; this is for all of you.

This is for that time you did not tolerate her 40 urgent messages on your cell phone; and when you called her back after you said you would; and the time you didn't allow her to spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. This is to the guys and girls who know a woman complaining about her boyfriend for 3 hours is intolerable and won't sit around partaking in such base behavior. And this is for any guy or girl who understand any guy who would waste his time encouraging that behavior should be considered a chump and a jerk off. This is for guys who have more exciting things in their life than the best killing spree they have ever orchestrated in GTA4; who doesn't start rumors and the guys who never make her consider him as one of the most repulsive people in the world. And to the guys who act mature and who don't really have anything against anyone else; and guys who aren't permanently attached to their game consoles and who do not help her concoct counter-rumors to spread around. This is also for that time you went out and met a woman when you didn't have a date; to guys who don't need to vow that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you; This is for the guys who get to know everyone at the party, even if the beer is awful; and who knows how to flirt shamelessly with women; and to those guys who never make a girl want to utter those dreaded words “oh, but we’re just friends!” And who knows how to be more than a symbolic warm body for her ego. Because you know what you're doing when it comes to women and you're not so clueless to think anything less can be consider attractive or desirable to women. To guys who know 'nice' is code for lame, boring, and socially awkward and you refused to be consider as such. Thank you.


This is for the amazing guys who always get credit where credit is due. And, perhaps more reassuring, the remarkable guys who seem to get laid as often as they should. Because they have taken the time to figure how to interact with women in ways women enjoy. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many guys are super clueless and misinformed about the opposite sex and there are too many girls who enable and encourage those men. Many of them claim they are just nice guy, but in reality they are the highest form of the primate specimen, they are well trained in putting up with bad behavior; confusing such things as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship” as a reflection of the women and do not acknowledge these terms only reflect their lack of dating skills. Yet, these guys continue to lament the lack of datable women in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date personality to attract and seduce women for them. That's the definition of true jerks. Sorry, guys, you are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why you would continue to blame your dating woes on women when you lack the qualities women want to sleep with. You don't have to be an complete ass to sleep with women, you just have to offer women something they want. But one thing I can say is that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon exists for a reason. There are definitely many guys who grow out of those limited of thoughts and realize they could be dating great girls, not but themselves a social disadvantages. The tricky part is learning how to interact with those girls, and even trickier, finding other guys who have made great strides in this area.

So, until get your proverbially head out of your metaphorical ass, I propose a toast to all the guys who know what they are doing. You know who you are, and I know you’re always described as attractive and desirable. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs men like you to please women like me, your holding open of doors, your social skills, your propensity to be a man with beautiful women in your life. For all the attraction, comfort, and seduction you create, build, and accomplish; for all the situations where your the face and name cant be ignored; "my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."

Approach Anxiety: What do I really want?

Has this ever happened to you?

You see a beautiful woman. Your heart races, your mind flutters, your breathing quickens and you have no control over what your body is doing? The pick-up artist say it's evolutionary and they call it approach anxiety. And I'd have to agree but how do you over ride millions of years of evolutionary impulses?

You ask yourself a few questions:

~ What do I really want for myself?
~ What do I really want for her?
~ What do I really want for the relationship?

And (arguably the most important question)

~ How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

Now, you're probably wondering how a few simple questions with simple answers can stop the physical onset of approach anxiety. Here's an excerpt from Crucial Conversations:

When we ask ourselves what we really want, we affect our entire physiology. As we introduce complex and abstract questions to our mind, the problem-solving part of our brain recognizes that we are now dealing with intricate social issues and not physical threats. When we present our brain with a demanding question, our body sends precious blood to parts of our brain that help us think, and away from the parts of our body that help us take flight or begin a fight...It juices up our brain in a way that helps us keep focused.

Makes sense right? The next time your blood boils, your breath breaks, and your mind muddies itself, ask yourself what you really want. The answers can be canned. You can make them up right now and start to think of them when you approach women. Just stop the blood from going to your legs and arms and redirect it back to your brain where you can actually recall routines and function as social being.


Example answers to "What do I really want for myself?"
"I want to meet interesting women", "I want to get laid tonight", "I want to find someone special to build something special with", "I want a life of debauchery".

Example answers to "What do I really want for her?"
"I want her to find me attractive", "I want her to live her fantasies (with me)", "I want her to know I am the prize", "I want her to get it just the way she likes it".

Example answers to "What do I really want for the relationship?"
"I want this to become a fuck buddy situation", "I want to have a long-term loving relationship", "I want to have one wild night with her", "I want a blow job in the bathroom"

Example answer to "How would I behave if I really wanted these results?"
LIKE A MAN, damnit. Now buckup and get in there. Attract her, build comfort with her and seduce the hell out of her.

Social Literacy: Women read their social environment and you

Women learn to read socially from very early ages. They have had to read their environments and the people around them for safety reasons from the beginning of time. I'm assuming women who have learned to read social situations and may have survived longer and they have most likely passed that on to their daughters.

From an evolutionary stand-point it makes sense. I could be totally wrong but this blog belongs to me and I'm going with it. Most women who couldn't read social situations probably wound up injured or dead. If she wondered into the wrong cave with the wrong cave man, she may not come out of that cave. Her subconscious mind has developed to the evolutionary point of picking up on the slightest of queues to protect herself from creeps, losers, and dangerous men. Modern women have countless generations of hardwiring that help them navigate their social worlds. Some are better than others but most women possess this skill.

It's your job, as a man, to understand this. Well, actually you don't have to understand this and you can still have success but by understanding this you have an advantage because you can present yourself in a way that when she reads YOU she tells herself attractive, comfortable, and seductive stories. The story starts the moment you enter her peripheral vision. Notice that I did not say, the moment she looks at you. She doesn't even have to look directly at you to tell herself a story about you.

Example, I went to the movies with my roommate recently. We were a bit early so we went to the book store near by. We were going down the escalator while in the middle of some in depth conversation about god knows what. Before we got to the bottom of the escalator I knew exactly how many men where on that floor in our pathway to exit the store; 5. My subconscious mind made a mental note of roughly their age, who they were with, and how they were dressed. In other words, I told my self a story about each one of these men and only one of them presented any value to me.

Why? Because his clothes fit, he was tall, he was in good shape, and he was with a female. The others were overweight, ill dressed and presented no social proof. Regarding social proof, that isn't to say they weren't with other females but the females they may have been with didn't offer me any information that lead me to telling any story about him that was any more interesting then the one I had already told myself about him.

These stories took place in the speed of light, literally. The nano seconds it took for my secondary vision to perceive their images, I made several low-value conclusions about them. And that's not to say I am not open to having those stories retold with more data to read. In a flash, my subconscious mind entered those men into one or several knowledge structures I have in the back of my mind. Knowledge structures are categories we build in our subconscious minds to hold and analyze data. Most women have hight-value knowledge structures for men and low-value ones as well. Every man she has ever met goes into these knowledge structures; if you dress like the last 100 creepy guys who approached her, she's going to think you're a creep, and vice versa.

And all of this was done without directly looking at any of these men and while holding a conversation with my girlfriend. This is how we operate. Men do this too but just in different ways. You enter a nightlife environment and you know within seconds who's hot and who's not. Who you would like to take home and who you wish would go home. Women just do it in a way many men are clueless about.

We read between the lines, we see symbolism, and we fill in the blanks. If you want to be successful with women give them information that will allow them to tell themselves (and eventually their girlfriends) attractive, comfortable, and seductive stories about you. And that starts with how your dressed, how you present yourself socially, and who you are with. Plain and simple. But not that plain and not that simple, if you don't know what kind of stories women are currently telling themselves about you.

Present yourself in the way the presents the most value. If you're a professional with a cool job, play that up. Don't dress lower than your highest value. Don't give out data that conveys anything but the highest value you have. Don't dress like a trendy hollywood fake rocker when you can present yourself as a Hollywood legitimate professional with a keen sense of style. Be true to your identity without devaluing it.

If you're a lazy bum with nothing interesting about you, that doesn't mean you have to convey that with your clothes, attitude, and behaviors. Find something of value within yourself and polish the hell out of it and let it work for you. The deck is already stacked against you; you don't have to tip it over with cluelessness. Be a man and show her what you got, then let her work for it. Don't trip yourself up.