I Judge You When....YOU Devalue Your Own Social Status

As humans we make unconscious flash decisions continuously and constantly throughout our daily lives. If we didn't we may not live long. If a speeding vehicle charges towards you while you walk in a cross walk, you do NOT have enough time to analyze every single choice available to you and you have to make a decision before you become road kill.

In modern society we do not have to face life threatening issues on a daily basis. At least not in contemporary America, if we're lucky. But still our subconscious mind makes stealthy decisions in rapid succession as we go about our business and pleasure.

This ability allows men and women to progress through life ensuring their survival and spawning. Women, in particular, use these rapid cognitive conclusions to find a suitable mate who will protect and provide for her and her offspring. Until finding such a mate she will use this mental prowess to weed out unsatisfactory candidates.

beautiful women do not have the time to take into consideration every fact, opinion, or aspect of every single man she encounters. There simply aren't enough hours in the day. So these women subconsciously look for shortcuts to narrow the pool of available men worthy of her reproductive organs.

so a woman takes hasty assessment of the information YOU provide her. That's right you provide the information which is briskly transpose into a judgment by a beautiful woman.

I am such a woman and I judge you.

you can do one of two things:

1) accept that and present yourself favorably to me.

Or

2) deny that and suffer the consequences of presenting yourself as undesirable to me.

there are countless things that I, as a beautiful woman, judge you, as just another guy, on.

one of the more important being: your social status.

case in point this e-mail I received from a young man:

"Hi

I spotted you on [an online forum] and obviously clicked on you because of your beauty... What fantastic eyes! You have such a pixie-like quality. :)

But for me, beauty is nothing without brains... and you definitely have both. It's so nice (and rare!) to meet an educated and well-spoken woman."

lightning fast analysis:

as a first piece of communication, this e-mail conveys to me that this man does not have beautiful and smart women in his life.

Which leads me to believe other beautiful and smart women have chosen not to date him or be a part of his life.

I can only guess why. Possibly it's because his life is NOT exciting enough for beautiful and smart women. Possibly it's because he repels beautiful and smart women. Possibly he doesn't know what to do with beautiful and smart women. Possibilities are endless. And regardless of the real reason, I wouldn't be caught dead being the only beautiful and smart woman (of which I know plenty) to date this man.

what is rare in his life is plentiful in mine. Almost all of my girlfriends are beautiful and smart women. And they would judge me for dating a guy who wasn't up to our social status.


my judgment:

his social status lies below mine.


Don't get me wrong. What this guy wrote was very sweet and romantic but not when it comes from a complete stranger. This seems more appropriate during comfort building and relationship management stages, after a woman is attracted to the man.

Demonstrating lower social value is not a way to attract a woman into your life.

Men have complete control over how they present themselves to women.

How are you presenting your self?

Why is it so difficult to be honest with the opposite sex?

I started using eHarmony (eH) and I'm having to reject a lot of the men because they just aren't presenting themselves in away that attracts me or makes me feel comfortable. I usually have no idea what to say to a guy when I'm just not attracted to him or comfortable continuing to get to know him. I feel sorry for them but I can't get to know them all and help them with their "innergame" issues.

Here's an email I sent a guy, just trying to point out some of the major issues I saw from him in just 3 emails we had together.


I really appreciate your kind words and compliments. It makes what I want to express even more difficult.

I understand your personal struggles with meeting women and with your own confidence levels. I'd be willing to give you some feedback that may help you, if you're interested.

I've been trying to work on my communication skills and I'm struggling to bring this up in a respectful way.

"but I'm glad you opened communication. I wasn't sure if you were going to."

I'm not sure if you're aware of how insecure that sounds to a woman.

"But I'm told truth is always best. If you fish with the truth, you're liable to catch something true."

I agree and feel being honest with you is very important, since most women would not take the time to tell you these kinds of things.

"When I get home, I sleep, watch my cats run around the apartment (very entertaining), listen to music, do some writing/prep work for potential side projects as I can."

This conveys that you have little or no social life and that beautiful women are not a part of your life. Beautiful women often look for signs that a man has other beautiful women in his life.

The pickup artists call this social proof. It's a way for women to quickly (and usually subconsciously) determine if a guy is 'dateble'. If other women find a guy attractive, it means that the guy has been prescreened and approved by other beautiful women.

If a man is rejected by women or doesn't have any women in his life, other women stay away as much as possible because they feel that the woman doing the rejecting probably has good reason to reject him. It saves women the hassle of getting to know each man thoroughly.

Beautiful women are approached by men constantly. (I have 114 matches with 40 them in communication. imagine if I took this much time with all of them..I'd never get anything else done) No one has the kind of time it takes to get to know all of them. So she has to make decisions quickly. Usually it doesn't work out for the man.

"The trouble I have is it really brings up all this pain for me to even hear that advice. It's involuntary pain and self-attacking which gets really unbearable when someone tries to help me with pointers and facts about what women want, respond to, etc. I know it's irrational pain, and intellectually I resist it, but it just feels so awful."

I hope this isn't painful for you but think about how much pain your causing women with your uncomfortablenesses. This is really awkward for a woman to read about a man she doesn't know.

If a man makes a woman feel uncomfortable, she will most likely avoid him. I can tell you that the way you presented yourself within these communications to me is something most women would feel uncomfortable with. There's a sense of desperation "Girl I dream about" and lack of any sense that you're used to being around a woman that is "very sensual".

"Anyway, so instead I've been just working on understanding what's going on inside me, what happened in the past and whatnot."

I wish you luck with this. It's one of the hardest things to do but I think it will benefit you greatly. But don't convey this to any women you're just getting to know. Women have a bad habit of making up stories about men quickly based off of very little info. She has to, to save time and to remain comfortable.

I want to be open and up front about this, so you don't feel led on. I'm use to dating a man who is comfortable with himself around women and understand social dynamics.

Women are very social beings and value themselves and other women off of the relationships they have. The last thing most women want to have in a boyfriend (their most important relationship) is someone who is insecure and socially unaware of the way they present themselves.

I don't want to say much more than that right now, because I really don't want to disrespect you. I just want to point out that a lot of the problems you're having with women most likely stem from the way you present yourself to women.

I don't think we're compatible. I'm still willing to discuss these things with you, if you think it will help. I just need to be up front and let you know, I don't see us as a couple.

I hope this doesn't come off overly pretentious. I happen to know a lot about male and female dynamics and I can usually see a guy's main issues quickly.

I wish you the best of luck and understand if you no longer want to discuss these things with me. I understand how painful it can be and I hope you get to the point where you can be comfortable with yourself and learn to make women feel comfortable around you.

Best wishes,

Amazon's Online Reader Upgrade service

Amazon has an upgrade service that allows customers to get, immediately and indefinitely, a digital version of selected books that they buy through Amazon (not outside vendors). I got Crucial Conversations that way. I was hoping to get Stephen King's on writing that way but it's not available yet.

Here's a feedback form I filled out on Amazon:
I'm looking to submit feedback regarding Amazon Online Reader but I can't find the appropriate location or method for doing so. Please helps. I really like this feature and have loved using it for the one online book I've found to purchased with that upgrade feature. I'm a person with a painful disability and I find reading books more and more difficult. A lot of my books, especially for school -- I'm a senior at UCLA-- get converted into digital format to be used in Kurzweil a software program that offers their digital pre-programed services to those who need assistance reading; it reads for them. That software program is sort of like what your online service allows me but your service lacks a computer-generated reader who dictates to me. I haven't figure out if your service is compatible with their service yet but I'm interested to find out. I'd also like to recommend that Stephen King's on writing be rendered into your online format too. I would love to have a digital copy of that book, as of now I just bought the soft-cover version of it on amazon and I had bought the audio version from audibles.com previously.

Ideal Reader

I recently listened to Stephen King's on writing in audio book form, read by Mr. King himself. I have to admit that I've never really sat down and read any of his books. In all honesty, I'm not much of a reader and as you can see from this blog, I'm not much of a writer either. Regarding the latter, of which, I tend to have delusional high hopes of amateurish grandeurs. And, according to "Stephie" (This is he refers to himself in the book form,) says that fatal fault sheds light on the pending BIG earthquake that imminently threatens my nonexistent writing career. Another vital piece of advice that he gives (which is less like advice and more like the impartment of important insight from an Idol to the lay) stresses the value of an Ideal Reader (IR). My IR for this particle blog tends to be the man who happened to have woke me up sometime earlier than the hour of this post. Ladies and gentle, Yes none other than yours truly: Mr. He Whom Is Him or Him Who He HWH (this word choice is more grammatically correct than it appears in previous postings).He happen to be one of the only persons who knows I keep this blog and knows my true identity is not Ms. Jones. I'll write more later about the concept of IR and this identity and review On Writing in depth (click On Writing to view amazon's booklisting and info page). Now, I would like for the effects of his last communication to wear off and for the effects of my medication to wear in. Good night HWH, thanks for inspiring me to write.

The Importance of Crucial Conversations

I'm running into the same problem as most bloggers. I find it difficult to post daily. I put other things first and completely ignore my journaling. However, now it's an assignment so I really need to be doing it daily.

I have a lot going on in my life right now. Who doesn't? Right? Let's see if I can address some of these things here.

The most recent book I've read for pleasure was Crucial Conversations.

I was at Carmax Friday to pickup my car from the mechanics. There are several minor things they said they would work on as part of my purchase agreement. Well, they had my car all last week while they were waiting for parts. They gave me a "loaner" car to drive in the meantime. It was very uncomfortable.

When I got there they told me, that the parts had just come in and they would like to keep my car to work on it. They don't work weekends so, they'd basically just work on it for a few hours on friday and then wait until Monday to resume (yes, they are open on Dr. MLK Jr. Day). I told him I wanted my car back for the weekend and they could start working on it Monday. He agreed.

While I was at CarMax, there was a stray kitten who had run into the service area. They said it's mother had died and that they were going to call animal control because no one was going to be there over the weekend. I decided to take the kitten w/ me.

I got it professionally washed and her fingers clipped. I brought her home and everyone fell in love w/ her, except that cat (Matisse) that already lived here. He hissed at her. So, I was told by the owners to keep her in my room. They gave me a litter box, food, and water.

The next day, after we went to the farmer's market, the kitten and the cat got to check each other out first hand. Matisse was very calm and didn't hiss at all. The kitten on the other hand, hissed, growled and terrorized him.

I had a screenwriting group meeting to attend off of Mulholland, and I was told to let the kitten roam the house. We I got back, she was in my roommates room getting feisty with a stuffed animal. I was told by my roommate that the family had named the kitten while I was gone. I was hurt and felt left out.

This morning, the discussion of the kitten came up. I let the family know that I was still considering whether I wanted to adopt the kitten myself or let them adopt it. That's when they told me they named the kitten. I let them know I wasn't sure and that I wanted to think about it more. Having a kitten is a lot of responsibility. The two owners of the house left for Costco.

When they came back, the door to my room and the door in the hall leading to my were both open. I went to close the door immediately but it was too late, the cat had escaped. I was searching the living room for her when the daughter of the family noticed the kitten under the couch. The front door was wide open because they were still bringing in stuff from Costco and then it happened.

I felt insulted by a comment "Someone needs to get their shit together" and the whole thing just blew up. I've been hiding out in my room ever since trying to figure out how to correct this situation.

I recently purchased Crucial Conversations from Amazon and upgraded my purchase to receive an extra electronic-online version instantly (and indefinitely) I starting reading through it for suggestions on how to handle this Crucial Conversations better than I already had. It's tough. I sent an email to the family letting them know I wanted to talk and work things out. We'll see how it's received. Hopefully when can come to a mutually respectful decision and the kitty gets a good home.

Where did the weekend go? Random Riffs

I'm feeling the Sunday Night dread of having spent a beautiful weekend trying to check things off of my to-do/due list and ended up putting more thing on the list then checking them off the list.

I have to bring my new (to me) car back to CarMax (the dealer) to get several things worked on. I have to be near LAX at 9am tomorrow morning. They plan to keep my car for several days. Ugh. I love my new car, it's a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spider and as happy as I am to receive a "loaner" car from the dealer, I really just don't want to part w/ my vehicle. But the work is being done for free as part of my purchase agreement.

I also have to interview a classmate of mine for the Interviewing class. She's an editor on the school paper and I've spent a good portion of today reading her articles but I feel like I need more time for my research. She is also going to interview me and I'm a bit nervous about that too.

253, a hyperlink text, was the other (Remix Culture) assignment that took up a lot of my weekend. And I realized life is like a hyperlink text. We're constantly faced w/ various options of things we can do. For example, this weekend I choose the read 253, instead of enjoying the beautiful weather. Which hopefully works in my favor in tomorrow's discussion. I spent hours reading through various passengers' text and I dont think I read a majority of the stuff that is available on that site.

I basically procrastinated on a lot of other very important academic things this weekend. The only writing related stuff I did was read "Lars & The Real Girl" for my advanced screenwriting class.

The other distraction I had was eBrad, who I met through eHarmony. I met him for the first time Friday. He seems cool enough. We'll see how it goes though. He asked me to kiss him after just meeting him shortly before and w/ no kino or very little comfort building. I asked him if he deserved a kiss. Come on fellas, work for it a little, please.

I also spent a great deal of time discussing Presidential candidates and taking these online surveys regarding the candidates that match my values most. Check them out:

This survey covers 11 Presidential-platform issues.
And
This Survey covers 25 Presidential-platform issues.

Both said Kucinich was the candidate that most represented my values...interesting.
More about this fascinating stuff later. I'm tired.
I didn't blog yesterday so, I'll have to make up for it and make an extra post tomorrow.

Academic: The Art of the Interview & Remix Culture

It's a new year and I just finished my first week of the new quarter. So far, I love my classes: Advanced screenwriting (which is a year-long class), Interdisciplinary approaches to literature (Remix Culture), and Life Skills (The Art of the Interview).

The Remix culture class seems fun. The focus on mediums such as the book or new media hyperlink books. First day of class the professor played samples of Tupac and Moby to emphasis the DJ as a remix artist. We had to bring in objects that we considered remixed art. I brought a copy of a movie poster I made for my screenplay w/ stolen images from multiples sources and a copy of "The Game".

The interview class seems cool too because we get to interview someone that does something we admire or want to do ourselves after we graduate. And we may get our interviews w/ Harlen Ellison printed in autograph magazine. Yet the first assignment is to interview a classmate and also make a 500-word description of my face.

I also have to keep a daily journal so I'm going to try to post to my blog daily. Some post may remains as drafts for a while but I'll still find time to type each day. I have plenty to write about, I just need the time and patience to write it.