things I Cannot Live Without: Euphemisms [or morning toast]

"Morning Toast" is a euphemism for the first bowel movement of the day. This blog post is going to be a figurative euphemism (morning toast) for crap is spew out in this blog. It's early and this is my first metaphorical bowel movement of the day.

Euphemisms are great. I love them. In fact, I pride myself on using them and coming up with new ones. Although I have to admit, there is one type of euphemism I hate and that's military euphemisms.

War is ugly and I personally do not think it needs to be sugar coated at all. If more people with discussing the tragic reality of war, maybe more people would be against unjust and falsified war (especially the non-constitutional war we're in right now). I don't want to turn my blog into a political shit fest, so I leave this topic alone for now.

My favorite kinds of euphemisms are sexual in nature. Sexual acts, anatomy, and other related topics are great sources of colorful alternative language. I particularly like calling a man's anatomy, "package".

Example:
Guys are funny when it comes to their packages.

It's true. They have names and different euphemisms for address their packages. It's cute. Each guy has his own style regarding this topic. And it's always fun in new relationships to see how a guy handles his package.

Well, enough naughty talk for now. I got to get back to studying. Today's Morning Toast was brought to you by the radio.

Things I Cannot Live Without: Pampering

Yesterday, after studying for about 3 hours, I treated myself to a Retail Therapy (RT) session. I realize that a lot of guys may not understand the concept of RT. Most women, I would guess, understand this concept very well. It's the therapeutic use of shopping to enhance ones mood. I'm sure guys do this too but instead of buying purses, shoes, clothes, makeup, etc. They probably buy manly things like toys, audio/visual, sports stuff, etc.

[side note on literary issues: I don't know if the possessive pronoun of "one" is spelled o-n-e-s or o-n-e-'-s. It seems like "one's" could be easily confused for "one is" and I know possessive pronouns do not use apostrophes, such as "its" or "ours". But the pronoun 'one' confuses me. Side note ending.]

Before going shopping, I promised myself I wouldn't worry about anything while out on my shopping spree. I managed for the most part to refocus my attention whenever my mind would wonder to worrying about life's little worries. I tried to stay in the moment and really experience what was happening as it was happening. I think I did pretty well.

I managed to spend very little money (less than $100 on clothes) and came home with about 7 different items. Most of the items I will love wearing on a regular basis. In fact, I'm going to wear three of the garments today....yay!

And the RT really did positively impact my mood. So much so that, instead of going out last night with the guys or going to a party with Sexy Sharon [posts about Sexy Sharon can be found here, and here], I stayed home and pampered myself further. I took a long, warm shower and fantasized about my ideal shower.

[Side note: A wise man once told me that the only reason he makes a lot of money is so he could take care of his loved ones. I realize now that it was a DHV and demonstration of the alpha male quality, "takes care of loved ones". Side note ending]

Before getting out of the shower, I left some special product in my hair to help condition it. And once out of the shower, I put eye cream and face cream on. I got into my most comfortable clothes and did some relaxation exercises. It felt great. And I feel great. My face is smooth, my hair is soft, and I am glowing with happiness.

Now, I have to get back to studying before I waste the whole day blogging.